Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Lies we Lie to Women

A woman, far more articulate, intelligent and knowledgeable than me wrote an excellent 'response' to the whole egg-freezing offer of super-cool companies Apple and Facebook to their female employees. Please read Lea's post here.

I have been thinking about this and just want to add a few points.

This is just one more lie we tell women to get on their good side, flattery so that they will do what we want them to: vote for whom we want, comply with what we want, sexually, etc.

The first lie (in order of immediate gravity) is that abortion has no negative consequences. This is so astounding a lie that it should make any thinking woman stop to think, despite her investment in the culture of death.

The next is that sex has no emotional toll. This is a commonly discussed one, but one which people are just not getting. Or, maybe they are getting it, but feel ashamed to have to dissent from the party line our of weakness. Sex is best in a loving, safe relationship. Everyone deserves this and everyone needs this. Everything else is a poor runner-up prize. If no one wants to marry you, but to have brief sexual encounters with you, that probably makes you feel like crap. It should.
It is insulting. And, many people have turned themselves into that cold calloused person who protects herself from the hurt of being used. That's not a person easily loved. Using people thus becomes that much more sensible - there is no one out there who can be loved, it seems! People who are capable of loving for life are the kinds of people that one could be married to for life. The culture of death does not make many of these. Who would want to marry a woman (or man) who puts that person second to their work, their ambition?

The next is that you are only valuable if you are like men economically. This is one that far too many woman buy into. It makes sense when the first two lies are in place: your love is not worth living for and your babies are just junk. So, what do you have to live for? Making money and 'being somebody.' Life is altogether devalued and all that is left is material. Your virtues and your heart are worthless. Since values are relative, the only thing we can agree on is that money is concretely good. It's the one thing that you can't relativize. In the multicultural urban setting, it's the one thing that unites all the people scurrying about who have not worked on their insides nearly enough. But just picture it, I mean outside of the snow job that Hollywood has been giving to it.

If only she got to work 12 hour days for people
who don't care about her!
What could possibly be more rewarding - being the emotional heart of a family, surrounded by children and a husband who love you and turn to you first of all the people in the world for support and guidance, a husband who will grow old and die by your side, children who will unconditionally love you as babies and children and then grow up and serve you and cherish you in your old age, on the one hand, or fighting your way through the cruel world of business, crushing and being crushed, and going from one exploitative relationship to another, only to die alone, never really sure if you made a different to anyone or to anything? But this isn't the picture you get from Hollywood, or now from Apple and Facebook. No, you can be successful in a Fortune 500 company, have lots of interesting and emotionally fulfilling relationships, thaw your eggs, and then go on and be a great mother. We all know the best mothers are the ones who squeeze in motherhood at the end of all the other stuff they wanted to do.

For Christians, it's the relationships we have that come first - God and family. etc. For pagans it's me and stuff. And so mothers who froze their eggs in order to do that last thing they wanted to do in their lives, and then proceed to do the bear minimum for these children - put them in daycare at 6 months, etc., will raise children who will, in turn, do the same when their turn comes. And civilization will just be so great!

Hollywood has told us that:

1) bad people live in the country, good people in the city

2) religious people are dumb and hateful

3) what's makes you a great person is to be found only by suffocated your feminine, maternal nature

If the world is right, and everything is about money, then who's making money off the lies we tell to women? I think you can make a pretty good list yourself.


  1. Wow, thank you for the kind compliment, makes me blush.

    Great reflection, so many important points. The lie that economic value is the only worthy pursuit is certainly difficult for many women (and men) to overcome, as you so rightly said. I thank God that I have never been able to swallow this lie and believe that "your love is not worth living for and your babies are just junk", and that "Your virtues and your heart are worthless." It is a great blessing that I have a very supportive husband who strongly believes in the importance of a mother staying home with her children. Many women these days are not so lucky, and I know of cases where the husband has pressured his wife to return to work even when she wanted to stay home with their children. The lies are alive and well in our society.

  2. Yes, you are right, and, of course, so many of the things can be said about men, but, once again, women get the shorter end of the stick, and the irony here is that it is from people who are supposed to be their biggest fans. As I try to find sufficient work, and for so long not having been able to find it, I know how much of my self-worth has been tied to false materialistic values - unbeknownst to me. It always makes me sad that mothers could feel this way when they are doing the 'one thing necessary' to sustaining the civilization of love. And having met a great number of 20-year-old girls through teaching how many of them are taught to value un-womanly things more than womanly things. So many strong girls, too, though, who have not bought into this lie.

    You are a great writer. I am always annoyed that I don't check out what you are up to more often!