Wednesday, July 30, 2014


You hear a lot about the crisis of masculinity blah blah blah.

Of course, it's all true, there is one. But to make sense, there has to be a crisis of femininity too. Why would one basic essential gotten wrong not affect the other one that is so deeply related to it?

There is lots I could say. My favorite is that I hate when women talk about it. Just like my women friends want to talk about modesty and to be greeted with the nodding approval of their man-friends only. No actual input, please. lol.

A woman talking about a crisis of masculinity is like a virus talking about a crisis in human health. Women wanted to emasculate us, and for some reason or other we went along with it.

So, ladies, put your money where your mouths are. If you want men, you are not going to get what you want. But that is what you women need. Nothing we want ever makes us better.

Here's a man holding the door open. How nice; how harmless; how half a person!

He is about 120 lbs give-or-take. That's not a man. That's a boy becoming a man (but not a mechanism to hold open doors.) But most importantly, that girl can put him in her little pocket. He's so un-intimidatingly safe, isn't he?

But if it's a gentleman you want (and you all tell me that it is), he is not going to come in a little harmless package.

The average man is about 5'9'' (my height) and weighs about 180 lbs (much less than me!)

Such a man looks like this:

You know, I had to scroll through a whole lot of buffed guys to find this one.

So, ladies, when you picture a man who holds open doors for you, is this what you picture?

This fella can probably handle himself on a computer, and pull in that average Canadian male salary of $50 grand per year.

So very average.

There was some hubbub recently about men scoring low on the liking mass thing. You can connect to it here. Also, the National Post is featuring an interesting discussion re. how commercials depict dads vs. how they depict moms. See it here.

Men don't like mass; boys don't like school. Hmm, a pattern, perhaps? When I worked landscaping in the summer I couldn't wait to get back to the books in the fall. If I sit around at home all day, what makes sitting around at mass any different? Surveys indicate that about 2/3 of Canadian men are 'satisfied' with their jobs. What more do you want?

As an introvert I love the break that is a holy hour by myself. I am surrounded by people at home, and I find that draining psychologically. Do I 'enjoy' mass on Sunday? The only times I don't 'enjoy' it is when it is too hot, the kids are misbehaving, I am hungry, or otherwise grumpy for some unrelated reason. I like mass very much - but that says more about my church and pastor than it does about my gender. If I was in a crazy (normal) secularized (average) parish, I would likely never enjoy Sunday mass.

But words like 'enjoyment' don't mean a whole lot to me when I am referring to the important things in life: whether I enjoy my wife, my kids, or mass or not I will still attend to them with great love. I don't want to be entertained by mass, in other words. If a parish 'pastoral team' took it upon themselves (as so many do!) to make the church 'relevant' to me, then they better bone up on their theology, philosophy, psychology and current events. They won't succeed. I know I am not going to hear Bl. John Henry Newman preach. I don't go expecting that. But I do go expecting transubstantiation and the actual Scriptures and the actual sacramentary (sorry, Archbishop Prendergast, I mean the Missal). Everything else is gravy, baby. I just happen to be blessed with a good pastor and good deacons who also preach here and there. Gravy.

Don't expect me to 'feel' things at mass. I am a man, a weird, particular kind of man. You cannot possibly make me feel things at mass (save for hilarity when I hear, "God is not dead, He is alive" being sung).

If you try to make me feel things, the only thing I will feel is insulted. I will feel insulted that you have for some reason taken it upon yourself to decide what I am like and how I should feel. I am not there for anything other than the Sacrament and the Word. Make that happen, is all I am asking for.

Men very easily feel patronized. The quickest way to alienate us is by making us suspect that we are your guinea pigs.

The bottom line is, men being men is not being catered to, it is not being silenced, told to sit still when we are a long way off from burning our energy off, it is not as an automatic door-opener, it is not putting on tight clothes that should only fit prepubescent boys.

If you want a man to 'like' mass, make it the most restful and spiritually inspiring hour of his day or week. Actually, you can't make it that way at all. But you can stop from impeding it. The rest is up to the man himself.

Here's one

Here's another

My life isn't really like either one of these. So, for me, there's got to be a whole lot of this:

to make me yearn for, and to get the most out of, this:

But what do I know? I'm just some guy.

But did you know that, ladies? Did you know that a man needs to sweat and be gross to be a man? I will hold the door open for you, but my hands might slip off the knob a few times because it's so gross and sweaty!