When I think of all the golden moments and periods of my life, they are usually short, powerful ones, like Isaiah's birth, etc. But of course Isaiah has (and all the children have) been a blessing every day of my life, but it's not that exciting rush of newness everyday, as it was that day when I saw his perfect little face for the first time. Life is just like that. Brain chemicals express their power as short bursts, and not as month-long experiences. Winning the lottery, I'm told, increases your happiness only for a very short period, and then, no matter how much money you then have, it seems you basically go back to your default level of happiness. That's our physical reality.
Yesterday I was feeling a little sorry for myself, at least that's what Anne-Marie told me. I guess I was. I tend to do that more often than I'd care to admit these days. After she said that, I realized something. I am God's teenager. I am starting to learn about teenagers, seeing how that perfect newborn of mine will be thirteen soon. Ingratitude, lack of perspective, whining, constant need for amusement, yes, these are all my faults. Isaiah focuses these things on me, I focus them on God. I am no different than him, which is a shame, since I am supposed to be an adult. Adults, perhaps, are just teenagers who focus their vices on God rather than on their human parents. That does not make you a mature person, just more discrete.
So, how can I change? I think you make a beginning when you realize what you are doing. What are my expectations of God? Really, theologically speaking, you can only expect one thing from Him - to be loved by Him. Everything else you have no right to expect. I want an easier, more predictable, comfortable life, but I have no right to expect that from the hand of God. To do so is to say that I have a better idea than He does about how He should save me. I wish I could give an easier life to my kids, and when I go about doing so I sometimes realize that I am doing them a disservice by lifting their burdens. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. A part of me wishes every day of their lives would be rainbows and candy kisses, but what kind of children would I be raising? What kind of Colin would God be raising if He conformed to my wishes?
So, pray for me and for my kids that God will make fine adults of us!
|This is one of the images that came up when I googled 'bratty teenager.'|