Chelsea Clinton got married this week. I really don't know anything about her, nor care to. Apparently she married her long-term boyfriend. When I hear 'long-term boyfriend' I imagine that she was already cohabiting. So the question is: What are you smiling about in those pictures, Chelsea - that after putting in years, you've finally convinced him to marry you? But you can't imagine that any of your guests actually think this is an important day, can you?
My interest in weddings exponentially decreases when:
1) The couple has been cohabiting
2) The couple has been dating for more than a few years
These two are effectively the same thing.
Someone I am very close to was living with his girlfriend before they got married. The night after the wedding night was spent back in their apartment. Even he who had no moral misgivings about the pre-marital arrangement had to admit that it was weird to be back in the apartment after the big fuss the day before. Had anything changed? I guess if you think something has changed, then something has changed.
But this is my word to the whole world out there:
Do your best, yes, always do your best. But if you think that people are as excited about your wedding as you are, and that they fail to absorb the natural principles involved here, that man leaves father and mother and joins with his wife is the way it is supposed to be, you are fooling yourself. Your friends who are doing the same as you are all hoping to land their big fishes too. They admire your success, but secretly you all know that this is not the way you imagined things when you were children. Your honeymoon was a trip to Mexico, rather than the thing it was meant to be: the discovery and experience of the total gift of self.
The fact is you were 90% married when you were cohabiting. Now you are 91% married. You managed one additional percent. That is why you are smiling, Chelsea.
And maybe you'll be divorced a year or two later - but not if your husband has political aspirations. In that case he'll definitely want to hold on to you for the long run.
But you know you can divorce and that is why your 91% marriage will never be a 100% marriage. You have forged a bond that you consider easily dissolved, impermanent of its nature. So, why are you smiling? It's equivalent to having children if and only if you don't tire of them.
I am sure this post will wrinkle a lot of faces.
One last thought. Conversion redeems all.Yes, people's defects can be made up for by grace, but it remains that these are defects that need to be dealt with. People make mistakes, and many of them realize this and make a change for the better.
But if you think that people are very excited about your marriage after you have lived together, they are not.